I cannot find my penis.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
