Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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