just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
