So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
