I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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