Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
