I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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