I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
