Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
