I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's shark week go big or go home
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
