oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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