So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
accomplished twins. life is a go
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Still dying that you shit outside
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
