I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
