What a fucking waste of an outfit
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
