im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
