Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
