Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
