Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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