As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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