i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
