If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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