4 words: hood of his car
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
