lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
