I think I died a long time ago.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
