I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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