apparently the secret to your success is patron
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
a search helicopter?!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
