Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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