well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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