Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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