she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
