You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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