I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
