Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
