Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
