It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
