Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
