Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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