he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
