everyone is single if you try hard enough
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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