I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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