Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
