Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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