When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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