No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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