you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
