ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
