Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
