He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
