wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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