I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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