So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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