the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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