im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
