Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
