i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
